The Puke List

Where did the summer go? Last time I checked in Erin and I were racing through the Honolulu airport to catch a flight home. That was in May. An amazing summer has come and gone and now I am saying my goodbye’s to the sun and hello to 3 month’s or so of rainy, gray days. It’s not that I didn’t have much going on this summer, quite the opposite. It was a very busy few months with non-stop house guests and outings. I will get to that shortly. First I need to go back to a very messy weekend in May.

Let me first state that I am not a puker. Stomach flu aside, I can count on one hand the amount of times I have thrown up. I’m sure that everyone can agree that after every time you throw up from the drink, it was the worst feeling ever as it is now the most recent. Well this weekend with the Miller’s in Seattle was the worst ever.

This got me thinking about the other 4 times I have been sick. Was this past time REALLY the worst or just the most recent painful memory? With that I would like to count down and rate these lowest moments in my life. To score I will consider the following factors:

Actions/Reactions – What stupid things did I do and what were the results.
Situation/Circumstance – How was my state effecting what I was doing the following day.
Messiness – How BAD was it?
Hangover Hurt – How much pain was I in the next day?
Embarrassment – How bad did my actions make myself or others ashamed. This is a tough one for me to judge as when I am in that state I am usually without shame.

Please feel free to enjoy my pain.

Summer 97

The last thing I remember is shouting “Someone hold my legs!” We were about to leave a party at my place and more importantly, a keg I had bought for the night. For some reason I was more concerned about the beer going to waste than being able to see or move my limbs. With that in mind I did keg stand after keg stand until I could not stand on my own. The next day I was tied to the toilet.

Actions/Reactions – 7

Apparently while taking turns doing keg stands I made out with an ex-girlfriend…although considering I didn’t remember this I believe she made out with me. My girlfriend at the time didn’t see it that way. She found out about it by one of her weaselly friends (who had a huge crush on her) Thinking back I’m not sure how he would have saw that as he had no reason being at my place. Was he in the bushes? Creepy.

Situation and circumstance – 2

Being a high school student and having a weekend to recover meant that this hangover didn’t effect my responsibilities. I was a high school kid being a high school kid. The amount of booze may have effected my grades but that is debatable.

Messiness – 1

This was more of a quantity over quality kind of messy. I basically started throwing up on the ride leaving my house and didn’t stop for what felt like a week.

Hangover hurt – 9

Being my first REAL hangover (throwing up, pain in places you didn’t think was possible ie. finger nails) it was bad. I remember being in bed until late the following night because I physically could not move.

Embarrassment – 5

The throwing up was not an embarrassment as it was mostly private. Even when I threw up on the way to the bar I had enough sense to ask my friend to pull over. Explaining my actions to my girlfriend was a different story. For most of the following day she was taking care of me and felt sorry for me until she found out what happened. That took the hangover to a whole new level of uncomfortable.

Summer 98

Yet another keg party at my house. Looking back this was a common thing in high school which makes me wonder, Where were your parents and how did you buy kegs at 17-18 in a place that has a drinking age of 19? Kids these days. Anyway, this was a party thrown for a few friends going away to college/university the next day. That next day was a Friday and a work day for me. To make matters worse I was working for my girlfriends parents.

Actions/Reactions – 7

Although I didn’t make an ass of myself the night before, I made up for it times 100 the next day. Showing up to a mindless desk job reeking of booze is one thing. Showing up to a mindless desk job reeking of booze with your boss/girlfriends parents shaking their heads in disapproval is another. I would have fired me…then probably gotten sued for wrongful termination.

Situation and circumstance – 8

Being the only one of my friends that actually had to be somewhat functioning the next day should have kept me in check. It did not.

Messiness – 8.5

I awoke in a crusty pillow that smelt like death and curry. Remnants of my mothers famous ribs covered my bed. For a short while I thought I had food poisoning. Like I said, I was no so smrt.

Hangover hurt – 8

Going to bed at 4 AM and waking up 3 hours later in your own throw up pretty much sets the pace for the rest of your day. I spent the first half of my “work” day trying to stay awake staring at a blank spreadsheet and loudly throwing up in the office bathroom. Note: this office was a small house converted into a work space. Me throwing up could be heard by all. I remember going to my friend Kathy’s place at lunch so I could lay down. We watched Batman & Robin (horrible, horrible movie) which seemed to make things worse.

Embarrassment – 6

As awkward as it was violently throwing up while my girlfriends parents could hear me, I was not as embarrassed as you would think. Why? I honestly thought me showing up for work in that state trumped me making an ass of myself. I was not very bright and a tad naive.

Winter 2002

I never lived the college dorm life. The closest I got was renting a house with some friends for a couple years after college. There was some messy nights during those days but none as bad as our house warming party. I remember the house being jammed packed and things escalated quickly. I don’t really remember drinking THAT much however my room would say otherwise the next day.

Actions/Reactions – 3

Although I don’t know why, my girlfriend at the time was very mad at me before going to bed. I think it was a combo of both of us being drunk. She felt bad about her actions the next day. I felt bad about my actions 5 or so years later.

Situation and circumstance – 1

This was a weekend party and with being done school I had no tests to study for or homework to do. My calendar was clear for me to be hungover.

Messiness – 9

I woke up the next day with that now familiar feeling of a crusty stinky pillow. Confused, I blamed my girlfriend. Perhaps feeling bad about the way she acted the night before I think she took the blame even though it was clearly me. Somehow I had her convinced she climbed over me and threw up on my side of the bed.

Hangover hurt – 4

I was fine because, well I wasn’t the one who threw up. I played it off even though I was in some pain.

Embarrassment – 0

Nil. I successfully shifted the embarrassment to my girlfriend. I’m not proud of this time of my life for things like that but it was a part of some much needed growing up. It would take until December 2007 to feel bad for this.

Minneapolis 2007(Click to read my write up on that trip)

While I was courting Erin (Ha!) I would meet her in exotic places like Winnipeg. When the peg didn’t cut it for us anymore we decided to take a trip to Minny which turned out to be a great place. Our night started with an open bar at the worst basketball game I have ever watched. Drinking was definitely the entertainment there. We spent the rest of the night bar hopping our way across the twin city. We drank dirty martini’s in an artsy bar downtown, tequila shots at an ice bar, and Manhattan’s at a place called Manhattan. That was the first and last Manhattan I will ever consume.

Actions/Reactions – 2

We didn’t get into too much trouble. Trying to get the most out of our free booze, the staff at the Target Center politely kicked us out as we were the last people in the stadium but that’s about it. Oh, I did steal a pillow from the Hyatt because it was “evidence” of the night prior but my credit card was charged accordingly for that.

Situation and circumstance – 10

Being an 8 hour drive away from Winnipeg when you have to work the following day is bad enough. The fact that it was the middle of December and it was blizzarding outside and I was driving a Camery Hybrid AND I was hung over made it a very bad situation. After crawling to the outskirts of Minny and stopping for “breakfast” at McDonald’s I actually said to Erin, “I don’t mean to be a downer but we are in a bad situation right now. A very bad situation”

Messiness – 10

When you have to destroy the evidence, its bad.

Hangover hurt – 15

Off the chart. I had to pull over on the drive home because I thought I was going to throw up while driving.

Embarrassment – 4

Tough one. It’s hard to be embarrassed when all you want to do is die. I did feel bad for the cleaning ladies so there’s that…

Seattle 2010

A surprise trip to Seattle turned ugly for Shaun. Erin, her friend Lauren and I headed down to Seattle to catch a Blue Jays game. What Erin didn’t know is we were meeting her friends Scott and Whitney. Coordinating this kind of trip/surprise with two of Erin’s girlfriends was enough to make my stomach upset however as per Whit, we “freaked her freak good.” What did put me over the edge was a stop at Jack and the Box on the way down followed buy giant shots of Jagger and tequila. I’m talking 2-3 gulp sized shots. More ridiculously strong cocktails than shooters.

Actions/Reactions – 10

I may have gotten out of hand that night. I upset Erin but was too drunk to understand why or care. So instead of heading back with her and Lauren to our hotel at bar close, I ran after Scott and Whit to theirs. It was a short stay as I thought it was funny to try and steal things from them. A half naked Scott escorted me to the door. To be fair I wasn’t the only one making an ass of oneself that night. Without giving too much away, Scott thought it would be funny to flash his, lets say…menitals, at everyone in the room. I managed to steal his wallet on the way out. So there I was stumbling blind drunk through a not so favorable part of Seattle with not 1 but 2 wallets on me. My sober self knew it wasn’t a far walk however when you are walking in a zig-zag pattern it could take awhile. When I finally arrived I thought it would be best to disrobe outside of the hotel room so I wouldn’t wake up the girls. To my surprise (and theirs) they were still up and now wondering why I didn’t have any pants on.

Situation and circumstance – 6

Not as bad as Minneapolis as we were in no hurry to get home and it was not the middle of the winter. We did however have a game to catch. It was a bit sad how rough I was feeling because our seats were great and the game went to extra innings. It was won by Ken Griffy Jr’s final RBI as a professional ball player. It was nice to sort of be there for that.

Messiness – 10

Bad. Bad. So Bad. Somehow I managed to throw up on not one but two beds. I completely ruined my new shirt from Japan and was pretty sure I would be charged for some industrial dry cleaning. We did the “sneak out of shame” as we left through the fire exit.

Hangover hurt – 16

Owwwwwweeeeewweewewewe…. I still shudder thinking about it. After we made our discreet exit from the hotel we came to the conclusion that I was in no shape to drive. We started walking along the waterfront towards the stadium, all the while I was complaining about how much agony I was in. Erin and Lauren stopped to get something to eat. No surprise I was not hungry at all. Instead I walked ahead and sat on a bench next to a popular clam chowder place. The smell of seafood pushed me over the edge. I threw up at least 5 more times…right in front of an outside eating area packed with happy tourists getting their chowder on. Awesome.

Embarrassment – 1

Wow Shaun, Really? No shame? Even while throwing up in front of people eating their lunch? You think the fact that I ruined Lauren’s bed and made her sleep on the couch would make me feel bad but she acted like it was expected. What does that say about me?

The Totals:

Summer 97 – 24

Summer 98 – 37.5

Winter 02 – 17

Minneapolis 07 – 41

Seattle 10 – 43

Wow. Seattle takes top honors. I guess it was as bad as I thought. Interesting note, the older I get the worse it gets. No shock there.

Summer recap to follow…

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