A little over two weeks into Movember and I am happy to say that my mustache is, as expected, coming along disgustingly. This thing is BAD. It’s as if my nose hairs are taking over my face. Last Monday I woke up, looked in the mirror and said to myself, “You can not go into public like this.” I almost took the life of my week old stache then and there. Thankfully for your enjoyment (or disgust) I let it live.
Why would I put myself and more importantly others around me through this you ask? Hairity charity. For those unfamiliar with Movember it is a month long mustache growing celebration to raise money and awareness for men’s health issues. In Canada funds raised go to the prostate cancer research foundation.
Being a first time participant in Movember I am keeping my donation expectation reasonable. Next year I will single handily abolish prostate cancer. This year I will aim a littler lower, say $250.
Now I know what you’re saying, “Hey douche bag, what’s in it for me?” Well I’m glad you asked friend. To help achieve that $250 goal I have come up with the following Donation Mo-tovation list:
$10 or less – My stache will personally email you and thank you for your weak, low donation.
$10 – $20 – You will receive a retro picture of my retro stache.
$30 – $40 – a video clip of my stache enjoying a banana.
$40 – $50 – Video clip of my stache bathing in milk. For those of you who are vegan I will use almond milk. For those allergic to nuts I will use homo milk.
Note: My stache does not tolerate homophobes.
Now, I’m not gonna do anything weird (cause filming myself eating a banana is TOTALLY normal) So nothing like, I don’t know, Umm $60 you can watch me touch it or $100 your friend can touch it…nothing weird like that…unless you bring cash. I will however consider the following:
$60+ – Video clip of 1 hair being plucked from the stache
$80+ – My mustache will serenade you
$100 – You will receive a decorative tile so you can remember the legend of the stache. Also it would make a horrible Christmas re-gift.
Highest bidder can shave it off December 1st (and keep the whiskers as a commemorative keep sake…no? Or not.)
Also, as this is beyond odd for some people, you can donate and pay me NOT to send you a clip of myself looking creepy and doing things that you flat out don’t find funny. Your loss.
So there it is. Click the link below to donate. THANKS!